Capítulo 14: Favoured Enemy
Note: By the gods! A human Ranger can have as Favoured Enemies humans? How can it be? Isn’t that like… weird? Can he shave, without trying to kill himself? Can he look himself in the mirror without feeling an urge to punch it? I don’t know… but it is funny to think about it.
“Mr. Ranger, sir…” – said the psychiatrist.
The Ranger entered the room and looked at the psychiatrist. His face was tormented with hate and rage.
“Ah! A human! Die!” – yelled the Ranger.
The psychiatrist gestured for the Ranger to call down and sighed.
“No, sir… Half-Elf. See the pointy ears?” – said the psychiatrist.
The Ranger looked a bit suspicious, but he did seem calmer.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Put down the sword. That’s a good Ranger.”
“Hummm… I will keep my eye on you!”
“Right… so… you are a human Ranger… that hates humans?” – asked the psychiatrist, while reading his file.
“That’s right, Doc. I hate those bloody humans!”
“Really? And by the way… I am a Doctor… Not Doc.”
“Okay, Doc.” – said the Ranger.
“Errr… right… so… what seems to be the problem?”
“I hate humans… and that’s a bit bad…”
“A bit?”
“A lot...” – admitted the Ranger.
“Ah! Some progress! Good! Good! Please… do continue!”
“First of all… Christmas is awful. My family is full of humans…” – said the Ranger.
“Oh? What happens during Christmas?”
“I try to kill all of them, of course.”
“What? Even your parents?” – asked the psychiatrist.
“Well, they are bloody humans.”
“But you are also a human.”
“That’s the other problem, Doc.”
“What?”
“Every time that I am shaving, I want to kill myself!”
“Really?”
“That’s right! Every time that I look at that mirror and see me, my first instinct is to cut my own throat!” – said the Ranger.
“Good gods! You are lucky to be alive, man! Why do you shave, then?”
“Errr… Good question!”
“What about girlfriends?”
“There were some girlfriends… But none of them were humans! I prefer dating Half-Orcs than humans!”
“Right… well… tastes… they are subjective, no?”
“I don’t know… Are they?”
“They are, yes.”
“I also try to kill the humans that dare to cross my woods!”
“Oh?”
“Yup! The problem is that most of my fellow Rangers are humans… so I attack them on sight…”
“Oh, boy!” – said the psychiatrist.
“Snifff… I am not invited to the Rangers´ parties, ever since I tried to kill old Goldie… Sniff… But he is a stinky human!”
The psychiatrist nodded. This was indeed a very complex problem.
“Why do you hate humans?”
“Because… because… when I was little I wanted to be an Elf.” – said the Ranger.
“Don’t we all?”
“So… I decided that I should hate Humans, because they are not Elves.”
“Great! Some progress was made today! Do you wish to come again next week?”
“Okay!” – said the Ranger.
The Ranger started walking towards the door, but was suddenly stopped by the psychiatrist.
“Don’t go thought there! Go thought the back!” – said the psychiatrist.
“Why?”
“Because most of my clients are huma… Errr… Sick! Yes! They have a strange disease.”
“Oh? Really? Man! They shouldn’t let some people be in the streets! It’s disturbing!” – said the Ranger.
The psychiatrist rolled his eyes and sighed.
“I agree…” – said the psychiatrist.
The Ranger entered the room and looked at the psychiatrist. His face was tormented with hate and rage.
“Ah! A human! Die!” – yelled the Ranger.
The psychiatrist gestured for the Ranger to call down and sighed.
“No, sir… Half-Elf. See the pointy ears?” – said the psychiatrist.
The Ranger looked a bit suspicious, but he did seem calmer.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Put down the sword. That’s a good Ranger.”
“Hummm… I will keep my eye on you!”
“Right… so… you are a human Ranger… that hates humans?” – asked the psychiatrist, while reading his file.
“That’s right, Doc. I hate those bloody humans!”
“Really? And by the way… I am a Doctor… Not Doc.”
“Okay, Doc.” – said the Ranger.
“Errr… right… so… what seems to be the problem?”
“I hate humans… and that’s a bit bad…”
“A bit?”
“A lot...” – admitted the Ranger.
“Ah! Some progress! Good! Good! Please… do continue!”
“First of all… Christmas is awful. My family is full of humans…” – said the Ranger.
“Oh? What happens during Christmas?”
“I try to kill all of them, of course.”
“What? Even your parents?” – asked the psychiatrist.
“Well, they are bloody humans.”
“But you are also a human.”
“That’s the other problem, Doc.”
“What?”
“Every time that I am shaving, I want to kill myself!”
“Really?”
“That’s right! Every time that I look at that mirror and see me, my first instinct is to cut my own throat!” – said the Ranger.
“Good gods! You are lucky to be alive, man! Why do you shave, then?”
“Errr… Good question!”
“What about girlfriends?”
“There were some girlfriends… But none of them were humans! I prefer dating Half-Orcs than humans!”
“Right… well… tastes… they are subjective, no?”
“I don’t know… Are they?”
“They are, yes.”
“I also try to kill the humans that dare to cross my woods!”
“Oh?”
“Yup! The problem is that most of my fellow Rangers are humans… so I attack them on sight…”
“Oh, boy!” – said the psychiatrist.
“Snifff… I am not invited to the Rangers´ parties, ever since I tried to kill old Goldie… Sniff… But he is a stinky human!”
The psychiatrist nodded. This was indeed a very complex problem.
“Why do you hate humans?”
“Because… because… when I was little I wanted to be an Elf.” – said the Ranger.
“Don’t we all?”
“So… I decided that I should hate Humans, because they are not Elves.”
“Great! Some progress was made today! Do you wish to come again next week?”
“Okay!” – said the Ranger.
The Ranger started walking towards the door, but was suddenly stopped by the psychiatrist.
“Don’t go thought there! Go thought the back!” – said the psychiatrist.
“Why?”
“Because most of my clients are huma… Errr… Sick! Yes! They have a strange disease.”
“Oh? Really? Man! They shouldn’t let some people be in the streets! It’s disturbing!” – said the Ranger.
The psychiatrist rolled his eyes and sighed.
“I agree…” – said the psychiatrist.