Capítulo 17: The Alignments
Note: I think that Alignments are really, really, really interesting. I mean they can be both a blessing and a curse for any D&D player out there. And then I started thinking… if there is someone out there really giving alignments to the players and NPCs. Well… I don´t know if there really is someone out there with that profession. But what I know is if there is indeed one, then all I have to say him is this: It sucks to be you.
Steve picked up his notes and read them. He had one of the most important of jobs in all the realms: he was in charge of telling people their respective alignment. It wasn’t the best of jobs, but someone had to do it. Unfortunately for Steve, that someone was him.
Steve looked at a passing Noble and said: “Hello, sir! My name is Steve. I am here to give you your alignment.”
The Noble looked a bit bored and then shrugged. Who was this pathetic little man? And why was he dressed as a Commoner? Could it be that he was actually a Commoner? Would a Commoner dare to speak with him? Oh, bugger! Mental note: take a bath.
“Huh?” – said the Noble.
Better make it two baths, thought the Noble.
“You, sir… are… a “Lawful Neutral” kind of person.” – said Steve.
The Noble looked a bit worried and wondered if he had just been offended.
“Ohhh… is that good?”
“No, sir. It’s Neutral, sir.”
“Jolly… errr… neutral, then.” – said the Noble.
The Noble started running away from Steve, while screaming in terror. The young lad sighed and then looked at a beautiful girl that was in front of him.
“You, miss. You are “Neutral Good”.” – said Steve.
The beautiful girl looked a bit confused, not knowing if Steve was teasing her or asking her out on a date.
She decided to follow a more diplomatic approached and said: “Ohhh… Thank you. I guess…”
Steve bowed before the beautiful girl and then grabbed a Halfling that was trying to pick his pocket.
“You, sir.” – said Steve.
The Halfling looked a bit worried, since no Rogue liked to get caught during the act, and yelled: “What do you want? Bugger off!”
“Sir, you are “Chaotic Evil”.”
The Halfling looked shocked and the said: “What? Are you saying that I am evil, boy?”
“Well… Errr… Yes…”
The Halfling looked angry and then picked up a sharp dagger from his belt. Steve’s face was full of sweat, but he nevertheless didn’t panic or cry for help.
“Have you said this to anyone, mister?” – asked the Halfling.
“Just to the Paladin behind you, sir!” – said Steve.
“Ah! Do you think that I will fall for that?”
Suddenly, a knight appeared behind the Halfling and kicked the Rogue’s arse.
“You, sir, are a menace to Law and Order. Away with you!” - said the Paladin.
“Arrggh! A damn Paladin! I will go! Don’t hurt me!” – said the Halfling.
The Rogue started running away and the Paladin nodded in thanks to Steve.
“You are “Lawful Good”, sir.” – said Steve.
The Paladin rolled his eyes and then mumbled: “Whatever, mister!”
Steve looked at his notes and sighed. It was really a tough job, but someone had to do it. He was about to call it a day, when someone touched his shoulder.
It was Lady Aribeth. Steve would recognise those pointy ears anywhere.
“What about me?” – asked Lady Aribeth.
“You?”
“Yeah, me.”
Steve looked at his notes and looked worried. That had never happened before. Oh, no! By the gods! What should he do? Maybe he should run away or beg for his live right away? He could always lie to her…
He looked at those sweet eyes of hers and decided that he would not lie to such a beautiful Paladin.
“You are… “Lawful Stupid”.” – said Steve.
“Great! I like it! Catchy! Bye, mister!” – said Lady Aribeth.
The Paladin started walking away while singing a song about flowers and bears. Steve looked a bit incredulous at Lady Aribeth and then shrugged. Intelligence must be her dump stat, he though.
“Just doing my job!” – said Steve.
Steve looked at a passing Noble and said: “Hello, sir! My name is Steve. I am here to give you your alignment.”
The Noble looked a bit bored and then shrugged. Who was this pathetic little man? And why was he dressed as a Commoner? Could it be that he was actually a Commoner? Would a Commoner dare to speak with him? Oh, bugger! Mental note: take a bath.
“Huh?” – said the Noble.
Better make it two baths, thought the Noble.
“You, sir… are… a “Lawful Neutral” kind of person.” – said Steve.
The Noble looked a bit worried and wondered if he had just been offended.
“Ohhh… is that good?”
“No, sir. It’s Neutral, sir.”
“Jolly… errr… neutral, then.” – said the Noble.
The Noble started running away from Steve, while screaming in terror. The young lad sighed and then looked at a beautiful girl that was in front of him.
“You, miss. You are “Neutral Good”.” – said Steve.
The beautiful girl looked a bit confused, not knowing if Steve was teasing her or asking her out on a date.
She decided to follow a more diplomatic approached and said: “Ohhh… Thank you. I guess…”
Steve bowed before the beautiful girl and then grabbed a Halfling that was trying to pick his pocket.
“You, sir.” – said Steve.
The Halfling looked a bit worried, since no Rogue liked to get caught during the act, and yelled: “What do you want? Bugger off!”
“Sir, you are “Chaotic Evil”.”
The Halfling looked shocked and the said: “What? Are you saying that I am evil, boy?”
“Well… Errr… Yes…”
The Halfling looked angry and then picked up a sharp dagger from his belt. Steve’s face was full of sweat, but he nevertheless didn’t panic or cry for help.
“Have you said this to anyone, mister?” – asked the Halfling.
“Just to the Paladin behind you, sir!” – said Steve.
“Ah! Do you think that I will fall for that?”
Suddenly, a knight appeared behind the Halfling and kicked the Rogue’s arse.
“You, sir, are a menace to Law and Order. Away with you!” - said the Paladin.
“Arrggh! A damn Paladin! I will go! Don’t hurt me!” – said the Halfling.
The Rogue started running away and the Paladin nodded in thanks to Steve.
“You are “Lawful Good”, sir.” – said Steve.
The Paladin rolled his eyes and then mumbled: “Whatever, mister!”
Steve looked at his notes and sighed. It was really a tough job, but someone had to do it. He was about to call it a day, when someone touched his shoulder.
It was Lady Aribeth. Steve would recognise those pointy ears anywhere.
“What about me?” – asked Lady Aribeth.
“You?”
“Yeah, me.”
Steve looked at his notes and looked worried. That had never happened before. Oh, no! By the gods! What should he do? Maybe he should run away or beg for his live right away? He could always lie to her…
He looked at those sweet eyes of hers and decided that he would not lie to such a beautiful Paladin.
“You are… “Lawful Stupid”.” – said Steve.
“Great! I like it! Catchy! Bye, mister!” – said Lady Aribeth.
The Paladin started walking away while singing a song about flowers and bears. Steve looked a bit incredulous at Lady Aribeth and then shrugged. Intelligence must be her dump stat, he though.
“Just doing my job!” – said Steve.
The End