Capítulo 8: The Red Squirrels of Doom
Note: I like squirrels. Let’s face it… who doesn’t? What? You don’t like squirrels? Weird, man! Just plain weird! Anyway, I think that they are cute. And what is more fun than a cute squirrel that likes to hurt people? Thousands of squirrels that like to hurt people, that’s what. Duh!
The time had finally come… The evil Cleric’s undead army was ready to attack the nearby villages and to spread chaos and death. Ah! It would be so fun! Well… it would at least be fun for the evil Cleric, since most people wouldn’t be having that much fun. But who cared?
“At last... My army of undead is ready! Soon everyone will die! And then they will join my army of undead! Muah-ah-ah-ah-ah!” – yelled the evil Cleric.
Sure it was an evil plan. But guess what? The Cleric was evil… and he loved being evil. Plus, you paid fewer taxes.
The evil Cleric was getting himself ready for the evil monologue. He had practised it for years and now the time had finally come for him to make it.
And no one would stop him this… Huh? Why was that damn vampire calling him?
“Lord. There is a nasty looking fellow outside. He wants to talk to you.” – said the vampire.
The evil Cleric showed an evil grin. Ah! Right on time.
“Oh! Heroes! So predictable! They will all die! Die! Muah-ah-ah-ah!” – said the evil Cleric.
The Evil Cleric went outside his evil lair. Standing right in front of him was… an Elf Wizard. There was definitely something strange about that Elf. His clothes were burnt, and his eyes... they seemed made of fire, or something like that.
“Too late, hero! My army of the undead is already prepared to kick your arse. You will die! Muah-ah-ah-ah!”
The Elf Wizard didn’t seem too worried about that threat. Actually, he just stood there… smiling.
“Huh? Why... are you... so calm?” – demanded the evil Cleric.
The Elf Wizard picked up some kind of rodent from his pocket. The rodent seemed quite vicious and evil.
“Ohhh... Is that a... Ohhh...” – said the evil Cleric.
The evil Cleric started sweating. It was a Red Squirrel. Ohhh, dear Talos! A damn Red Squirrel!
“Ahhhh... My undead army will not be defeat by that little bastard!”
And it was in fact a true statement. The Red Squirrel was a very vicious and cruel creature, but the hero only had one Red Squirrel. It was only a minor problem. The damn creature would probably only destroy half of his undead army.
The Elf Wizard looked at the Red Squirrel in his hand. And then he looked at his Bag of Holding.
“What... Are you doing, mister?” – asked the evil Cleric.
The Elf Wizard opened the Bag of Holding and...
Nothing happened.
The evil Cleric took a deep breath of relieved. He had almost wet his pants, for crying out loud.
“Muah-ah-ah-ah-ah!”
And then... it happened. Thousands of Red Squirrels appeared from out of the Bag of Holding. They were all looking really mad.
“Ah! Ah... Oh, bugger!” – mumbled the evil Cleric.
The rest of the story is full of violence and horrible deaths, so I decided to cut that part.
Let’s just say that five minutes after this occurrence, the evil lair was on fire, the undead army destroyed.
What about the evil Cleric? Rumours state that his burnt body was eventually found… and that it was a horrible sight.
“At last... My army of undead is ready! Soon everyone will die! And then they will join my army of undead! Muah-ah-ah-ah-ah!” – yelled the evil Cleric.
Sure it was an evil plan. But guess what? The Cleric was evil… and he loved being evil. Plus, you paid fewer taxes.
The evil Cleric was getting himself ready for the evil monologue. He had practised it for years and now the time had finally come for him to make it.
And no one would stop him this… Huh? Why was that damn vampire calling him?
“Lord. There is a nasty looking fellow outside. He wants to talk to you.” – said the vampire.
The evil Cleric showed an evil grin. Ah! Right on time.
“Oh! Heroes! So predictable! They will all die! Die! Muah-ah-ah-ah!” – said the evil Cleric.
The Evil Cleric went outside his evil lair. Standing right in front of him was… an Elf Wizard. There was definitely something strange about that Elf. His clothes were burnt, and his eyes... they seemed made of fire, or something like that.
“Too late, hero! My army of the undead is already prepared to kick your arse. You will die! Muah-ah-ah-ah!”
The Elf Wizard didn’t seem too worried about that threat. Actually, he just stood there… smiling.
“Huh? Why... are you... so calm?” – demanded the evil Cleric.
The Elf Wizard picked up some kind of rodent from his pocket. The rodent seemed quite vicious and evil.
“Ohhh... Is that a... Ohhh...” – said the evil Cleric.
The evil Cleric started sweating. It was a Red Squirrel. Ohhh, dear Talos! A damn Red Squirrel!
“Ahhhh... My undead army will not be defeat by that little bastard!”
And it was in fact a true statement. The Red Squirrel was a very vicious and cruel creature, but the hero only had one Red Squirrel. It was only a minor problem. The damn creature would probably only destroy half of his undead army.
The Elf Wizard looked at the Red Squirrel in his hand. And then he looked at his Bag of Holding.
“What... Are you doing, mister?” – asked the evil Cleric.
The Elf Wizard opened the Bag of Holding and...
Nothing happened.
The evil Cleric took a deep breath of relieved. He had almost wet his pants, for crying out loud.
“Muah-ah-ah-ah-ah!”
And then... it happened. Thousands of Red Squirrels appeared from out of the Bag of Holding. They were all looking really mad.
“Ah! Ah... Oh, bugger!” – mumbled the evil Cleric.
The rest of the story is full of violence and horrible deaths, so I decided to cut that part.
Let’s just say that five minutes after this occurrence, the evil lair was on fire, the undead army destroyed.
What about the evil Cleric? Rumours state that his burnt body was eventually found… and that it was a horrible sight.